9 months

9 months since my life has been turned upside down. I still think of what she would be like, look like. I miss her every day. I know she is with Jesus, but I wanted her here with us. I cant explain what it feels like to have this burning desire to be a mommy, and have it ripped out from underneath you. Now I know I WILL be mommy, maybe not to Josiah, but God has promised us children.

I trust God with all of this, I truly do, but it still is painful, and I still grieve. I think of how things could have been different, and they would have found her heartbeat, the ultrasound would have shown a beautiful little baby moving around and kicking her mommy (she was a mover, I would hear her move all the time with the doppler I rented) I dont think I will ever forget that day, the way it felt, the expression on my husbands face. The days following were a blur. I would just lay there and cry, for hours. My husband tried to be strong even though he was in just as much pain. We prayed, we cried out to God, I wanted to know why. I will never really know why, there was no medical reason for this. They did all the tests they could, found a few things, but nothing that jumped out at them, to say this is what caused it. This was not the way I planned it. This was not supposed to happen, not to us....but it did

She was the 1st grandchild, first neice, first child. She will always be the first little miracle. But I know soon I will be blessed with another little miracle. I trust God with all of my heart that he will bless us, and we will meet our next child here on earth.

In memory of our little beanie: April 11th 2008 - June 25th 2008

weekend....

Tomorrow we are gonna have some people over...should be fun...we want to take advantage of our backyard while we are still here....even tho it may be to cold....darn michigan...lol...plus we are gonna play Mario Kart WII!! fun times :)

I need new clothes...I love delias...but the mall seems so far away...

So per my OB/GYN's request, I've been charting my temperatures.....I have to chart 2 months then make a follow up appt. I'm hoping to be pregnant before that has to happen, but only God knows. If I were to get pregnant this month, I would be due in Dec. again. Time sure flies by.

FYI...if you are gonna come over tomorrow....you can bring whatever you want to grill, drink, ect...it should be a fun time!

First...

I have so much going on in my life right now, I figured why not "write" it down. Its also a good way for family and friends to know whats going on in my life, for those who want to know!

Alot has changed this past year, I became a mother. Not in the physical sense, because my daughter is with Jesus, but 100% in the emotional sense. I hope to make more beautiful babies with my husband and get to hold them here on earth. I wont get into all of that, its been almost a year, and although we miss her every day, and still grieve, I know she is being taken care of. God has promised us children, and I believe and trust him completely. Josiah will always be our first little miracle, but definitly not our last!

We have been trying to conceive for about 6 months now. It took us one month to get Josiah so this is pretty disheartning. However, I know Gods timing is perfect, and it will happen in his time.

We have finally found our home church, and its amazing! We have been to all sorts of churches since we have been married, but never felt it was the right fit for us. We have been going there for a little over 2 months and already feel like they are an extended family. Lance has been meeting with our Pastor weekly and I am so happy he has someone in his life like Dave. Its awesome to see how God works in our lifes, and every day I am seeing it more and more. Its amazing to be a part of church where they allow the holy spirit to lead the services, and not a schedule. A lot of exciting things are happening there, and we are blessed to be a part of it.

We are also in the process of trying to buy our first home. We have alot going on there too, and its so exciting. We are focusing on Waterford, as we live out this way now, and love it. Plus our church is out here. Waterford has an amazing opportunity for first time homebuyers right now who cant afford the down payment and cash to fix up the home. Our lease is up at the house in Commerce, and they are trying to sell. We will see where God leads us.

I guess thats about it right now, just kind of a quick update :)