8 weeks

We had our ultrasound today, and as we went into the room, it brought back a flood of emotions from last time. It took all I had not to cry and I could tell Lance was feeling it too. But as soon as we saw that little baby, and I heard the words "theres the heartbeat" I cant tell you the relief I felt!

The heartbeat was 165 bpm, which is great for this age, and the baby measured 8 weeks, 5 days, which is a little ahead of what I thought. To see that little flicker was just the most amazing thing ever. Even though we lost our baby at 12 weeks, I had never seen the heartbeat on an ultrasound. However we had the joy of hearing Josiah's heartbeat many time because I rented a doppler for at home.

Anyway, I am just happy that we have a healthy little baby in there, and we pray that he/she continues to grow and thrive!

7 weeks

We have had a pretty eventful week here. First we had some issues with the landlords, and we will be moving soon. We have some options, because we really want to save money for a house. We have a couple of family members offering us to stay with them for a few months until we can save up some more money, but we are not sure about it yet. I tried to not let it stress me out as much as possible...because I know God is in control.

Also Sat. night I got really sick....with a stomach bug I am assuming, considering some kids at the daycare had it...oh the joys of working with children. I couldnt keep anything down, not even a drop of water....so at 8 am we made the decision to go to the ER for fluids, and just to make sure baby was okay. They took my blood and we found out our hcg count was past 50,000 which is perfect for almost 7 weeks (Praise God!). Also they gave me some fluids and anti nausea med's to help keep the fluid down. Which thankfully it worked. I cant say enough about the new Henry Ford Hospital in West Bloomfield. It is so nice to walk in, get a private room/bathroom, and be seen by a Dr withing 10 minutes of arriving. The best part, no waiting room with a bunch of sick people! Also they have nice T.Vs in all the rooms so it keeps you occupied. I dont think I will ever go to another hospital, not that I want to go anyway lol.

So yeah thats pretty much it, I am feeling better, still having some tummy issues, but I dont know if its just from the pregnancy or left over stomach bug. I was able to eat some breakfast without feeling sick today so thats good! We have an ultrasound on the 30th when I am 8 weeks. We will definitly keep you updated about that!

6 weeks

We had our first appt with the midwife yesterday, and it went great! Now I remember why I liked her so much. She said everything looks normal and we will get our first ultrasound next week to see the heartbeat, and find out how big our baby is :)

I am still feeling pretty good, but am pretty much tired all the time. I have been sleeping 10-12 hours a night and still wanting to take a nap. Also eating is becoming a little big of a challenge, however I am forcing myself to eat. I seem to always feel sick right around 4-5 at night, and periodically throughout the day. Its mostly food adversions. Cooking anything makes me sick, so unless its already made, or I bought it, dont count on me eating it....but these little reminders are fine with me, because it reminds me of the miracle going on.

Lance has some pretty exciting stuff going on and we cant wait to see what the future holds. I have a feeling things are going to keep getting better. 2008 was rough, but God has awesome plans for 2009, I can just feel it.

5 weeks 5 days....moving?

Tomorrow is my appt. with my midwife, we are very excited to see her again! I am still feeling pretty good, but have my moments of extreme sleepiness, and queasiness. I really just cant wait to hear the heartbeat, and get past the 13th week. Even though I struggle here and there I have been trying my best to enjoy this pregnancy, because this baby deserves our hope and love.

As for the moving part....it exhausts me to think of it....but we can no longer stay where we are at, for more then one reason. For one, we cant really afford it. We are paying ALOT in rent, and we know it is very important for me to stay home once this baby is born. We dont know what that means for us, but we are excited to see what God has planned for us. Also they are selling the house and we dont like having people come over when we are not home. Essentially we need to be out of here at the end of May, and maybe we can stay until the end of June. We dont know if this means apartment, or what. We are relying on God to show us where we will be moving. As for now I am going to start going thru stuff and packing away things we are not using.

So prayers for direction, and peace would be greatly appreciated! :)

I just need to write

Today has been hard for me.....I am coming to the realization of how fragile this little life is. I want to be happy and enjoy my pregnancy, but I cant lie, I am scared. I keep praying for God to take away any fear or anxiety, but it keeps finding its way back.

So many people were looking foward to our first little miracle, and we lost her. It was the worst pain I have ever felt, and I cant imagine feeling it again. I felt like I let our family down. I hated having to tell everyone what happened.

Everyone is so excited for this little baby growing in me, and I want to be excited too. Dont get me wrong I am....and I am feeling pretty attached to the little one already...I just cant shake this nervousness. I feel like a failure when I tell people too, because so many people have been telling me not to feel this way, and to only speak life into the situation. Which I do, every day...but I still have that little voice saying..."what if"....

All I ask is for prayer for me, and Lance, and our little baby. For strength, positive thoughts, and a healthy little baby growing.

5 weeks...Plus I have some great news!

So I was chatting with this women I met online, who I origionally started talking to because she is a chiropractor and I was interested in all of that. Well turns out God had this all worked out, as he always does! She ended up loosing 2 babies after the birth of her daughter. She had blood work done like me and we both found out we had double mutations of MTHFR. Essentially we are taking LOTS of folic acid, and a lose dose aspirin (during pregnancy) to keep the blood flow going good. Well thats not all she was brought into my life for.



When we moved here from Grand Rapids, I had my first prenatal appt with Trish Scane (a midwife at the office I am going to now) That was the day we found out our baby had passed. I loved Trish and after meeting her only once, knew I wanted her to be my midwife for future pregnancies. About 3 months ago, I went to schedule my yearly womens exam, and found out she was leaving the practice! I was so upset, but I figured at least I knew a OBGYN there, even though I perfered a midwife, because I want a completely natural birth. Well fast foward, the women I met was telling me about a brand new hospital she is going to give birth at (shes 17weeks preggo) in West Bloomfield. I asked her about it, who her midwifes name is, ect. She told me it was Trish Scane! (my old midwife) I emailed my midwife, and she can get me in next week for my first prenatal!

Whats even weirder, is this women was going to the same practice as me for a while, until she found Trish. If you havent heard of this new hospital, its amazing! All of the birthing rooms have hydrotherapy tubs, you can have medical intervention (IV's, epidurals) or None at all (YAY!) Plus they serve organic food, no more yucky hospital food, and everything is brand new! Not to mention Henry Ford has always been known as a great hospital. Well enough of me ranting, I am just excited and had to share how God is truly working in our life :)

4 weeks 6 days

So I got my repeat blood work done and it came back at 3117!! Praise God!! It more the quadrupled in 4 days! I have my first ultrasound this Thursday to date the pregnancy, which I didnt have the first pregnancy, so I am a little anxious. I am hoping to see a heartbeat, but I may not be far enough along, or I could be farther along then I know.

So far its been a daily struggle to keep fear and anxiety out of this pregnancy. But everytime I feel it coming on I pray and call out God's promises. The only other ultrasound I have had brought devastating news, but I need to start claiming this one will bring joyous news of a new little life growing peacefully. Its easy to get caught up in the what ifs. I kept thinking "what if my numbers dont come back right?" But Lance has been praying that they would come back and we would not have any doubts that it meant a healthy pregnancy, and God answered that prayer!

We have had two friends, one on Sat. and one on Sunday, deliver two precious little boys. It makes me look foward to December when we get to meet our little one, I cant wait to be a mommy :)

4 weeks 2 days

I went to the Dr. yesterday for a concern I was having, which turned out to be fine :) However I did get my blood drawn to check my hcg (the pregnancy hormone) and they were at 655! Looking at charts online, it is normal to be between 18-435 when your 4 weeks, so I can say my numbers are definitly healthy! I will get them checked again on Monday to make sure they are going up appropriatly, which I am positive they will.

Less then 2 weeks till my first prenatal appt. We have just been praising God for this baby, I still have to remind myself that im pregnant. I got so used to seeing negative test after negative test, that a positive one is a bit of a shock!

I am feeling good, a little back ache here and there, a little queasy, I am hungry all the time, oh and I feel like I could sleep all day. I didnt get morning sickness until 6-7 weeks last time, and it wasnt that bad. I honestly dont mind all the symptoms, it reminds me of the little miracle going on inside :)

I will update Tuesday with Mondays test results

4 weeks

So no more secrets, We are expecting!! I cannot tell you how excited we truly are. I was so worried I wouldnt be able to enjoy this pregnancy, because of what happened with Josiah, and it may get tough right around 12 weeks, but I have to trust in God. I truly believe he is going to protect this child and we will meet him/her (or both, as Lance says, lol) in December! I can say that I feel very at peace right now, and am already in love with my little peanut. I started feeling a little nauseas this morning, and I welcome it :)

We have such a testimony with our loss, and then the blessing of this baby. Lance and I plan on writing it all down and sharing it one day with our church family, and anyone who wants to hear! God has been so faithful and so good. He has healed my body and prepared my womb for this little miracle.

Our family is so excited, and I love the fact that none of them said "maybe you shouldnt tell anyone until...." because we want to claim God's gift and shout it out to anyone that will listen. We are claiming this baby and preparing the way!

My 1st appt is April 15th, I'll be 6 weeks by then. I am sure through this journal I will update alot on the progress and how I am feeling. but as of now I am feeling good, just tired, achey, and a little queasy..

Thanks for everyone who has been there for us through these long 9 months, and thank you to everyone who will be here for the next 9 months! :)