Today has been hard for me.....I am coming to the realization of how fragile this little life is. I want to be happy and enjoy my pregnancy, but I cant lie, I am scared. I keep praying for God to take away any fear or anxiety, but it keeps finding its way back.
So many people were looking foward to our first little miracle, and we lost her. It was the worst pain I have ever felt, and I cant imagine feeling it again. I felt like I let our family down. I hated having to tell everyone what happened.
Everyone is so excited for this little baby growing in me, and I want to be excited too. Dont get me wrong I am....and I am feeling pretty attached to the little one already...I just cant shake this nervousness. I feel like a failure when I tell people too, because so many people have been telling me not to feel this way, and to only speak life into the situation. Which I do, every day...but I still have that little voice saying..."what if"....
All I ask is for prayer for me, and Lance, and our little baby. For strength, positive thoughts, and a healthy little baby growing.
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Of course Hunny, I'm right there with you... it's as if we can never feel truly excited in the way that others do. We lived out a result of a loss, and that's almost impossible to move beyond. Yet all we can do is pray, and know that this child is another blessing from God. All we can do is trust that God will keep this child safe, healthy, and strong and that our family... our unique little family starts with this baby not another baby down the road- but this pregnancy, this baby that is 5 weeks and 3 days old.
ReplyDeleteYou are by no means a failure, our little one that we lost was not a result of a failure. You are not broken, we're not broken- God has restored us and has blessed us with another pregnancy!
It's okay to have moments of fear, its what we do in those moments that count for something. What we must do is pray, and dialogue with God... be real and talk about the things that are hurting, the worries we're having... all we can do is be honest, and bold and know that we worship a God that cares about what we say, about how we feel and that God cares about our prayers, and our prayers do make a difference and they do matter. We must always remember that when we pray our prayer goes somewhere and accounts for something.
Hunny let's be excited- we deserve to be excited- this baby deserves our excitment, our attention and our hope and love.
- love, me
Im sorry Tina that you feel that way. I think its just human nature and a motherly feeling that we have. I think once it gets part a certain time in the pregnancy you will feel more comfortable. You tried and tried for this lil one and now you have it, I know you want the baby to be strong and healthy and it will be. :) Just give to God and he will watch over you and the baby. I think your feelings are going to come and go. Sometimes, i think im never going to get pregnant, and then other times, i feel like its going to be soon. But in the end....your going to have a beautiful, healthy baby, and your going to have dozens more :) I love you, and if you ever need to talk im here!!!
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